


Don't tell me how to feel

by NearlyHeadlesZ



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Barry being tried of denying his feelings, But it's okay, Dorks, Emotions, Feelings, Fluff, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Kisses, Len just needs a hug and a kiss, Len not feeling worthy of being loved, Leonard being insecure, Love, M/M, Romance, after Lewis death, but before legends, during season 1 and 2, len is romantic, lisa snart - Freeform, small mentions of Lens past childhood, two idiots realising they love each other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2016-10-15
Packaged: 2018-05-24 23:28:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6170947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NearlyHeadlesZ/pseuds/NearlyHeadlesZ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Len is feeling insecure after many years of abuse and doesn't believe he deserves anyone to love him. He doesn’t believe anyone cares about him but his sister. So he will not react on his feelings, he will keep them down. Because he knows that they could never be returned.<br/>Barry Allen is in love, but it’s complicated. Everything seems insane and impossible but all he knows is how he feels. But will Len believe him and let him in?</p><p> </p><p>Prompt from Tumblr: Write a story with the line "Don't tell me how to feel" in it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Denying feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a small story that popped up one day after a serious case of binge-watching The Flash and reading ColdFlash fics. It's my first Flash story and ao3 work since I usually post on fanfiction.net.  
> Enjoy ~

Everything have been cold for so long. Emotions, morals, feelings and dreams. He guessed that’s why he liked his new nickname: Captain Cold. Being the bigger brother, the protector, had made him distant: Cold.

He doesn’t like to dwell on his past but sometimes certain event would bring him flashback or memories streaming through his mind. One thing they all had in common was how low he felt. His fathe- no he won’t call him that- Lewis was dead now; but it still felt like he had all the power over him. He still felt inferior, like nothing, worthless. He hated feeling like this and would usually block it out, do a heist, feel the adrenaline of almost being caught. He wanted to forget the feeling of not being good enough, not good enough for his sister and not capable of being good.

The Flash, Barry Allen, was a good distraction but also had its consequences. Although his obsession of The Flash had helped him block out his issues, it also brought up certain emotions he was not used to feeling, other than to his sister. He had tried to stop the obsession, but it was like a magnet pulled him right back again.

The Flash had first been a distraction, but learning his identity and spying him for more information made him just like him even more. Barry was so pure, innocent, everything he wasn’t and couldn’t be. When they made their deal, he couldn’t stop smiling for minutes, which says something because usually the only smile he could make was a sarcastic teasing smirk. His sister was kind of upset about him keeping his promises about his identity though.

  
Betraying him the first time wasn’t only to push him away. He knew what locking those meta-humans up on an island would do to Barry’s conscience. He was so pure, naïve and always wanted the best for everyone. To ruin that would ruin him. That’s the first time he felt something he was not used to, but he quickly blocked it away, too fast to let it settle and label the feeling. But those hours spend with him working together left a print that was hard to erase.

He was happy they could go back to their usual banter when The Flash stopped Captain Cold in several heists afterwards. But what he didn’t expect was to strategically aim just a few inches away from Barry during these meetings. He liked their dancing around and sometimes he would catch Barry smiling or laughing at his stupid puns.

So when Lewis Snart, his so called father, planted a bomb inside his baby sister he froze his heart again. Or he tried that is. He felt so wrong when he froze Barry to the ground, but Lewis was right around the corner and this was the only way to protect him and his sister. His heart ached when Barry didn’t stop trying to help him, but he couldn’t risk his sister, she was too important.

So when he showed up pretending to be a new accomplice he took the opportunity. What he didn’t know was the nausea that crept up inside him when Lewis shot his Barry. But he couldn’t let it faze him, he needed to save Lisa. He was out of his mind and emotions running all over the place, when he aimed his Cold Gun against his father and killed him. He still doesn’t know how to feel about it, all he knows is the look of betrayal on Barry’s face.

He was sure what little hope he had, had been crunched entirely right there. If he ever had had a chance with something so pure and good, it sure was gone now. Not that anyone would love him, other than his sister. He sometimes wondered how his life would have turned out if he didn’t have Lisa to remind him of who he really was. He was already so far out; no one could bring him back now.

So when Barry started showing up to visit him in Iron Heights and saying he believed in him, that he thought he could be good, a hero; he simply didn’t believe him. How could someone as cold as him, so wrong and awful be nothing more than criminal?

He didn’t know how to feel when Mardon broke him out of prison. The guy owed him a favor but releasing the Trickster made a foul taste in his mouth appear that he tried his hardest to ignore. It didn’t make it better when they started planning The Flash’s death and wanting him to help them out. What should he have done? No he had to warn Barry, criminal or not, he at least owed him for saving his sister. Or that’s the excuse his mind conjured, anything else would be accepting feelings that couldn’t be reciprocated anyway.

Sitting in the armchair with hot cocoa felt oddly strange to him. Christmas had always been cold, tearful and full of violence. That’s why he didn’t really celebrate it anymore. All he could think of was his drunk father trying to beat Lisa up and Len stepping in the way every time, but the broken bottle hit her anyway and there was blood everywhere. After that time not a finger was laid on her, even if he had to step in front of bullets or knives to protect her.

Barry had looked shocked at seeing him sitting there, hot cocoa and everything and he looked so furious when Len denied his belief in him, that he could be good and an ally. Len hadn’t expected Barry’s face to show such emotions of anger, worry, hope and trust. He didn’t deserve that. He didn’t deserve those emotions, to be worried over or to be believed in. He was a liar and a thief, he had killed and he had hurt.

He only deserved a life of pain and misery, certainly not whatever this was between him and Barry. Oh fuck it, he was tired of pretending not to know what he was feeling – love. He was in love with the hero of Central City, The Flash, Barry Allen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was quite nervous uploading this, so I hope you enjoyed it and will read the rest <3


	2. Barry has had enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Barry had had enough of hiding his feelings and seek out Len.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Barry's thoughts and how he feels about this whole ordeal with Len. He was really hard to write. Oh and I have no Beta-reader so bear with the misspelling etc if you find some :)

Barry Allen has had enough. He was tired of his heart telling him what to do and reason telling him what was right. There was no denying it anymore; he was hopelessly in love. He had been for months now. It was absolutely ridiculous and terrifying.

He didn’t even know when it started, just that it had crept up on him and now here he was; hopelessly and ridiculously in love with no other than Leonard Snart - Captain Cold - crime mastermind - Len.

There was a lot of things there were uncertain, but not his feelings, he knew they were true.

When he closed his eyes he could picture Len’s real smile from ages ago. That’s when he started believing there was good in him. Now there were no doubts, Len was a good person that bad things had happened to. Bad things that has shaped him into distrusting everyone and become cold, locking away everything worthy in life. But once in a while he presented true honor, real laughter and genuine emotions.

Barry could see right through him and what he saw was pure and absolutely amazing.

He had tried to voice his beliefs to Len so many times, coercing him into believing he was good enough, worthy of being more than a criminal – that he could be good, was already good. Len showing up in his house warning Barry against The Trickster and Mardon’s plans to kill him, only further proved it. And now Barry has had enough of hiding his feeling or dancing around with Captain Cold not acknowledging their – whatever the hell they had become.

That is why he was currently running through the streets of Central City, lightning flashing up behind him.

Len might think that he was hidden in those safe houses of his, but Cisco still had a tracer attached to the cold gun in case they needed to know where Snart was. All Barry needed was to sneak into Star Labs, activate the tracer again and find the location – easy as pie.

Snart was currently hiding in a safe house in the outskirts of the city, an old warehouse no one would be suspicious about. Barry stopped in front of the metal door in the alley. He really hoped Len was alone.

Barry’s heart was beating fast, faster than was normal for him. He was really doing this. He could still run away and no one would know. He could- The metal door opened and a slightly shocked Leonard Snart stood in the door, one hand holding a grey garbage bag and another hand nervously resting on the holster of his cold gun.

They stared at each other for a total of 15 seconds before Len broke the silence.

“What are you doing here Scarlet?” he said in his usual calm voice, walking to the dumpster and dumbing the garbage bag in it. Barry felt like a deer caught in the headlights. What was he supposed to say? _Hey Len, you know I just came by to say I have feelings for you and I’m tired of hiding them, bye._

Barry felt himself staring with his mouth open, having nothing to say. “Aahhmm- I-I was just… Never mind. Can I come in?” He said nervously. Maybe he would know what to say when he got inside.

“How do I know it’s not some kind of trap? How did you even know where I was?” Len said skeptically, smirking like he didn’t actually care.

“I’m not even wearing the suit Len, what could I possibly trap you with?” He said tiredly and sighed. “I just want to talk about something, something important.” Barry ran his fingers through his hair and looked at Snart’s reaction. He was hard to decipher sometimes but he looked – curious.

“Fine, no one is here anyway so don’t worry about your identity being discovered. But I would still like to know how you found me.” Snart growled annoyed, trying to hide his curiosity and nervousness, but Barry could easily read him by now. Len walked inside again leaving the door open for Barry to follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, feelings will be felt and things will be said and all sort of stuff happens.


	3. I don't deserve you Scarlet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings are being said, minor panic attack, angsty emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Triggerwarning: Minor panic attack and self hate.   
> But it ends well.

What the hell was Barry fucking Allen doing here, showing up at his safe-house?

Len tried to keep his usual façade - his Captain Cold persona, but his heart was beating rapidly inside his chest. Since when had he become such a schoolgirl? This crush or whatever it was, was ridiculous and stupid. There’s no way in any universe that Barry – The Flash – could ever reciprocate those feelings. So what was he doing indulging in those fantasies?

Daydreaming about the Flash stopping him at a heist, pressing him against the wall in an alley, kissing him senseless, confessing his feelings… Len shook the thought out of his head and went for the fridge to grab a beer to calm him down, while Barry was looking around the warehouse like a curious puppy.

“Want anything?” Len almost growled to mask his nervousness.

“No, it’s fine. I’m good” Barry nodded, looking down at a picture frame he had picked up from Len’s work desk.

“Is this you and Lisa?” Barry asked quietly.

“Yeah” Len simply answered. It was a sore subject that he didn’t want to rip up.

“Is that your mother? Behind you, holding you? She looks so happy”-Proud, Barry thought to himself.

“Yes it is. And I guess – I guess she was happy at that time” Len really didn’t want to talk about this right now, but Barry had this way of opening people up to him, you just trusted him.

“What happened? If you don’t mind me asking of course. I’ve read your files about your father but they don’t say much” Barry said hesitantly. He wanted to know more about Len, make him open up to him a little before blurting out his feelings.

“He went to prison 5 months later. Lisa was 4 and I was 11. Our mother was heart broken, she didn’t know that he was a criminal until the police called that night. She was sure he was innocent. But he confessed to get his sentence lowered” Len flinched at the memory of seeing his dad in court. That was the last time he saw his father as something other than a threat to his family. He had to be the man of the house that day.

Len must have blanked out when remembering because Barry looked like he was waiting an answer. But Len just looked down at the beer in his hand and said: “Anyway, when he came back, he brought prison with him and you know the rest. Can we talk about something else?”

He adverted his eyes from Barry’s worrying look. He didn’t need pity. He grew strong and he learned to take care of himself. But the green eyes on him also made his heart flutter a little, knowing The Scarlet Speedster actually cared about him, if just a little that is.

Barry sat down the picture frame with the once happy family and sighed nervously.

“Actually I came here to talk to you about something important. I just don’t know where to start”

Len’s right eyebrow rose in curiosity and sat down on the huge, red, soft-looking couch. “Why don’t you start with the beginning?” He really wanted to know by now. Did Barry need his help again? Was something wrong?

“Ihavefeelingsforyou” Barry mumbled, words blurring together. His cheeks were burning red and Len didn’t know how to react before Barry began talking again.

“I-I don’t know how it happened- just – just one day I couldn’t stop thinking about you, and I thought maybe it was just because I wanted you to be good, because I knew you could be good, that you were good. But with the heists, the playing around with each other when trying to catch you, the way I really couldn’t be angry with you."

"I started looking forward to your heists, and I felt so bad. So so bad. But I just couldn’t stop smiling every time I saw you and I was so sure I could see you enjoying it just as much as I."

"I- I just couldn’t deny it anymore. And.. I’ve kept secrets all my life and look where it got me with Iris. I didn’t want to ruin that change again. I at least wanted to be upfront about it. And—“Barry stopped rambling and looked at Len hopefully.

Len was in shock.

Shouldn’t he be happy?

Was this some kind of trap?

Was Barry really that cruel?

One things was obvious though, the kid had no idea what he was talking about.

He didn’t know Len, the real Len. If Barry truly knew him, he would run away disgusted and never think about him again. He was just imagining Len the way he wanted him to be, the way Len never could be.

Even if Barry was serious, Len could never be with him, he could never ruin Barry’s life like that. The kid needed someone good, someone his own age that could love him, adore him and give him everything he ever needed. Len couldn’t do that.

He was 41, broken, cold, a criminal and the opposite of Barry. He was no good. Nobody could want a person like him. And he certainly didn’t deserve the kid; he was so beautiful, young and pure. He could make you feel like the most important person on the earth.

These thoughts sped through Len’s mind and he put his head in his hands, pressing his fingers into his temple, sighing.

“Barry whatever you’re feeling… It’s not real” It couldn’t be.

“What?” Barry looked so confused and hurt.

“You don’t know me Barry. I’m not good for you. You don’t like me”

“What are you saying? How could you possibly decide what I feel?” Barry’s voice was getting heated, breaking.

“I’m saying I think you should leave” Len stood up and turned his back to Barry.

“No!” The speedster said firmly. Len hesitated, turning halfway around.

“You can’t tell me how I feel Len. I know you. I can see through you and I know that you’re not perfect. But neither am I. All I’m asking is for me to see you even better - to know the real you. Why won’t you at least let me do that?” Barry’s voice was firm but emotional.

“BECAUSE I DON’T DESERVE YOU BARRY! LOOK AT ME! I’M A 41 YEAR OLD CRIMINAL. I HAVE KILLED, ROBBED AND HURT SO MANY PEOPLE BARRY. HOW COULD I POSSIBLY NOT HURT YOU OR DESERVE YOU?” He shouted and continued in a more calm voice, rubbing his fingers to his temple again.   
“You don’t need someone like me Barry. Better you find out that now than after I have already ruined you.”

Barry’s eyes were glassy with unshed tears. “How can you say that? How can you hate yourself that much? How can you no see what I see in you Len?” his voice broke several times.

“I have been told since I was 11 that I was nothing, that I wasn’t worth believing in, that I didn’t deserve to be loved, that I should be grateful that I was allowed to breathe. Do you really need someone as broken as me in your life Barry? I will bring you nothing than misery and pain. Can’t you see that?” Len was starting to get angry.

But his heart felt wrong, he didn’t like seeing Barry this hurt, he felt like throwing up because he was the reason for those tears. But they were necessary. It would only get worse it he got to know the real him. He could never love the real him.

His chest constricted even more and he felt he couldn’t breathe. Why was this happening now? He hadn’t had a panic attack in years. He felt his eyes water and his breath get ragged. He hated it. He felt so weak and disgusting, helpless. Barry shouldn’t see him like that. Barry’s hands on his cheeks, looking worried shouldn’t make him feel so safe.

“Len! Len are you okay? What’s happening?”

“Panic attack” Len breathed out. “Just leave me.”

“No way I’m leaving you like this. Just take deep breath – with me – In… Out… One more time. In… and out…” Barry kept breathing with him, hands cupping his cheeks and thumbs gently caressing his face. He found himself sitting down on the couch without noticing with Barry holding him close, listening to the speedsters heartbeat. It was so much faster than others, but made him feel so calm – safe.

He felt ridiculous and embarrassed. He just had a panic attack in front of Barry. He was disgusted with himself for letting him shows so much weakness. But Barry didn’t seem disgusted at all. He just kept holding Len, caressing him, encouraging him to breathe deeply.

“You’re gonna be fine Len. I’m right here” The brunette whispered making Len feel oddly at peace even though he shouldn’t.

“Barry... I can’t bear dragging you down with me.” He sighed.

He just wanted to give up, let Barry in, hug him, hold him, kiss him and be his everything. He just wanted to be selfish. But Barry deserved so much more. Barry voice drew him out of his thoughts.

“Len, I know you don’t think you deserve me or whatever. Or that I don’t really want you, that I would run away if you let me in. But that won’t happen. I have already seen those awful sides of you, and I still want you. And if you have more demons in the closet I will battle them with you. You couldn’t scare me away. You are exactly what I need and it’s not just some overnight crush. I have been thinking this over in my head of a year now; don’t you think that I have thought about all those stupid consequences that could happen being with you? That you might hurt me because you don’t know any better? But you seem to forget that I am strong too, just not in the same way as you. I can also take care of myself and I also know what I want. I want you. I want everything you have to offer, good and bad. You won’t ruin me Len. I’m not saying that our relationship would be problem free, but I can tell you that your demons won’t scare me away. I know who you are. I can see the real you that you try so hard to tuck away. I want to be here for you and I want you to want me too. Do you want me too?” Barry’s eyes were looking at him waiting.

“Yes, yes I do.” Len’s voice whispered.

He felt so vulnerable, but it was about time after 30 years of a hard, cold, emotionless life. He couldn’t deny Barry anymore. He was right, Barry knew how he felt and was strong enough to protect himself. It was weird how small and fragile he felt, and still completely at peace and safe.

“I’m sorry for doubting your feelings Scarlet.” Len sighed. “I guess I just couldn’t believe than anyone would want me, especially someone as pure as you. The truth is I feel the same. I tried to deny it for so long, but sometimes I just can’t get your beautiful smile out of my head. And it hurt me so much because I didn’t believe that you could ever feel the same, even if you did, I didn’t deserve you.”

He felt awfully much like a schoolgirl right now, he needed some kind of control in this situation. So he shook of all those painful emotions and straightened his back and leaned forward. He gently took Barry’s head into his hands. “Thank you for believing in me Scarlet” and connected their lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This got a lot more angsty than what I would've thought. Let me know what you think and leave a comment ^u^   
> See you next chapter ~


	4. Snowflake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where plans are made and fluff is experienced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little something after the mini-cliffhanger I posted ;)

Len’s lips were so soft. How could they be so soft, so gentle? Barry sighed into the kiss, leaning into the hands caressing his face. Len had finally opened up to him, not completely, but at least it was a start.

They slowly parted and opened their eyes. It got a little awkward all of the sudden and they both looked away from each other.

“Sooo… Uuhmm. That was really nice” Barry broke the silence.

“Yeah” Len breathed out.

They went silent again for another minute.

“Barry. I don’t know what to say. I really want you, I do. You’re so fucking adorable and fierce at the same time. And a very good kisser I might add. But I come with a lot of problems and issues from my past and I don’t want you to let that ruin you. If what you’re saying is true and you want to be with me, which I still don’t understand, I won’t question your feelings. But you need to promise me you won’t let anything slide just because we’re dating. If I hurt you in some way you need to tell me, because knowing me I probably will screw things up sooner or later”

“Is that a yes to the dating thing?” Barry’s eyes lit up.

“It’s a yes to try and date of course. How could I say no to a face like that” Len smiled genuinely taking the courage to caress Barry’s left cheek. He could try this with Barry. Barry smiled even wider and all of the sudden his arms were around Len’s neck and they were hugging.

“Len I know you have.. Issues. But you shouldn’t punish yourself for something that you couldn’t help. I’ll help you let go of that past, if you will let me” Barry’s voice was serious and full of emotion. Len just pulled Barry in closer and whispered.

“I’m just happy you feel the same. I was driving myself and Lisa crazy obsessing over you. It just never crossed my mind that it could actually be real.” Len leaned back chuckling, remembering Lisa’s constant pestering about who he was thinking about. “She would have a field day if she found out I was in love with one and only Flash”

“What if she just met “Barry the CSI” instead?” Barry asked.

“Hmm. That could work, but it would still be a hassle if she found out” Len sighed, he hated lying to his sister.

“Let’s just start with something simple instead. Like…. What are you doing tomorrow at lunch?”

“Are you asking me out on a date Scarlet?” Len smirked, eyes glinting with amusement.

“Yes I am - Stop that stupid smirk – We could go for lunch together, my break starts at 11:30”

“Lunch you say” Len smirked even more despite Barry’s comment. “Wonder what all of your little police coworkers would think of you dating a criminal like me?”

Len full out laughed then just imagining their faces seeing their little innocent Barry Allen was kissing Captain Cold. “Lunch sounds good Red. Text me the place and I’ll meet you there 11:30 sharp”

“Great! Give me your number then.” Barry handed over his phone. Len plotted in his number and sent himself a text just for good measure. He saw Barry laughing at the name Len chose to put in: Snowflake.

Just then Barry’s phone ringed and Cisco’s face showed up on the screen.

“I better take this. Cisco what’s up?” There was a pause and Len hears Cisco's voice talking frantically “Yeah? Okay. I’ll be there in 5, don't worry” Barry hung up again.

“Sorry, Flash emergency, but nothing too dangerous. I’ll see you tomorrow?” Barry looked at him with wide eyes, hopeful.

“Yes of course. Oh, and Barry?”

“Yes?”

Len quickly pulled the brunette in and locked their lips in a warm, dominating but gentle kiss. They stayed like that for a couple minutes, relieving in their new found love before Barry pulled away. “Oh my god, I should really go now. That was… That was hot. We need to do that again, definitely” Barry started rambling again.

“See you tomorrow Barry” Len just said with his trademark smirk, “Go save the city”

“I will Len. See you” Barry smiled, still flustered and in a flash he was gone. The room felt oddly empty all of the sudden and Len sighed.

Len didn’t know how Barry did this to him. He just poured out all of his emotions and had a fucking serious talk about feelings. He made him feel like he could say anything to him, and Len hadn’t talked that emotionally involved for at least 15 years. He felt himself slip into a younger, more insecure Leonard when talking to Barry; His heart beating faster and being flustered.

All those suppressed feelings just seemed to run free when he was around and it felt embarrassing, but also liberating to get them out. He didn’t feel like the detached Captain Cold, fingers ready on the trigger with no remorse. He felt so many emotions at once, happiness, anger, relief, sadness, guilt, frustration, love and it was overwhelming.

It was weird having them back after over 15 years of suppression. But he remembered they slowly creeped back when he met The Flash, and now they were back at full force. He guessed Barry triggered it when he confessed his feelings. All Len knew now was that he was awfully exhausted after feeling all of this. He just needed to sleep.

He went into the makeshift bedroom in the warehouse that probably had been used as an office of some sort before. He made ready for bed and started reading one of his favorite books, edges mussy after being read so many times.

Just before he felt asleep he texted Barry.

**To:** _Barry_

**Text:** _Thanks for showing up tonight Red. Goodnight :)_

 

And when Barry later returned home after running down some meta-human jewelry-thief, seeing the message from Len, he smiled and texted back.

**To:** _Snowflake_

**Text:** _Anytime. Goodnight :*_

  
That night both fell asleep with a smile on their lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lunch-date will happen next chapter and I might put in a surprise too. I don't know yet but the date will definetely happen. If you enjoyed it leave a comment or kudos ^u^ It really makes my day I tell you <3


	5. Cheesecakes and decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally go out for lunch. So much fluff. Literally one big fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I'm very sorry for not uploading this but a lot of things has happened to me since last chapter.  
> Me and my boyfriend of 4,5 years decided to break up even though we love each other, because he had dreams and goals and I had my own, and we didn't wanted to be in the way of achieving those goals. So sometimes love isn't enough. If I gave up my dreams I would have resented him for it at the end and vice versa. It was a good breakup and we still keep in contact but it was super hard because we still loved each other very deeply. So I didn't feel like writing any romance related stuff those months, but it's almost 5 months ago now and I'm mostly over him, well as much as you can be, when he was your first big love. Anyway I was also sick and in the hospital and I had all these meetings about my anxiety and depression. But I see a light now, and I have these therapy sessions and medication and it really helps. If you ever feel like shit, go seek help because it really does help I tell you. I waited 7 years to take my illness serious and to dare get help and now I'm getting better <3 ANYWAY, a lot has happened and this chapter happened too finally!! I really hope you enjoy it.

Barry looked at the clock for the 10th time that hour and sighed nervously.

Tick. Tick. Tick.  
  
Barry followed the seconds: 53, 54, 55…59 – 11:13.  
17 minutes more to his lunchbreak.  
  
He wasn’t able to concentrate at all the last two hours, because he was so nervous and excited at the same time. Luckily the precinct was quiet that day and the Captain didn’t bother him much, other than to complain about him being late with some papers again. The other officers looked at him weirdly, when he just smiled at Singh instead of profusely apologizing like always. But after what happened last night, it would be hard to bring his mood down. Even the Captain looked at him suspiciously.  
   
He had texted Len the details of where to meet that morning; a place not too close to the precinct and not too familiar like Jitters was. It was a little cozy street-corner café 6-7 blocks away and had an amazing selection of cheesecakes. They were to die for really.

11:16. 3 minutes. How can there only have past three minutes?  
  


* * *

 

  
Len paced in front of the couch restlessly. Was this really the right thing to do? No! No, not this again. He had been over this a million times; Barry thought he was good enough! So he shouldn’t back himself out of this. He sighed. At least he could give dating a try and they would figure things out as they went along.

He sat down on the couch with a huff and checked the clock again: 11:16. He should get going, if he wanted to be there on time.  
Len checked himself over in the mirror one last time, turning different angles. He wanted to look good but not overdressed either, so he wore his favorite dark blue sweater that Lisa had given him years ago. She always complained about it being too worn to wear, but Len would never give that loved-mussed sweater up. And to be honest, Lisa’s smile, when he was wearing it was all he needed to know how she really felt. She had handstitched a little snowflake at the bottom left side of the sweater, a little bigger than a quarter. Len knew she had spent hours perfecting it as he gently ran his fingers over the stitches. He quickly pushed away those memories and texted Barry.

 **To:** _Barry_  
**Text:** _On my way ;)_

The reply back was quick, and Len smiled at his response.  
  
**From:** _Barry  
_**Text:** _Great, see you there <3_

Len’s heart fluttered a little at the heart emoticon and left the safe-house.  
  


* * *

  
Barry fidgeted nervously at the two-person table. He had chosen a more secluded table just in case, but a little voice in the back of his head whispered that it was still risky being seen with Leonard Snart in public. Oh well, he would take that consequence when it came. He didn’t need to think about that right now, besides Len was walking directly at Barry’s table with a careful smile. And boy, did he look good. He was wearing a dark blue sweater, tight all the right places, and dark black jeans hugging his figure quite nicely without being a skinny fit. Barry almost drooled at the sight, but quickly gathered his thoughts with a blush when Len cleared his throat to bring back Barry’s attention, smirking all the while.

“I take it you like what you see?” Teased Len, smirk still plastered on his face.

“Yeah, you look really good when you’re wearing casual clothes” Barry laughed nervously.

“You don’t look too bad yourself, kid.” Len winked, probably trying to ease the mood.

Barry looked down at himself; he had just decided to wear what he usually did to not bring any suspicion to the precinct. Somehow they always figured out he was going on a date by what he was wearing, so he decided on a simple beige button-up shirt and midnight-blue pants.

“Ehm, thanks. Heh.” Barry scratched his head. “So do you want to order anything? Their cheesecakes are simply to _die_ for, but they also have these homemade sandwiches that are pretty good too, but you can also just get coffee or whatever…” Barry was a rain of words again and Len cut him off laughing.

“Barry. Relax. Coffee and a sandwich sound nice, what do you want?” Len tilted his head smiling gingerly.

“Ehm. I’ll probably get a bit of everything, heh, high metabolism and all.” Barry eased a bit up at Len’s apparent calm demeanor.

“Right, how many calories do you even need to keep up that gorgeous body of yours?”

Barry heart fluttered a bit at the shameless flirting Len was doing. “About 6000cal but Cisco has these special protein bars that are packed with them. They just taste absolutely horrible.” Barry made a face remembering the taste. “But they are keeping me from passing out after running” Thank goodness they actually fixed that issue.

“Well then we better keep that body healthy and happy then” Len said as he called over a waiter.  
Len ordered a large coffee and a greek chicken sandwich and Barry ordered Coffee and two sandwiches, two pieces of cheesecake, one blueberry and the other caramel. Both pieces of cake looked mouthwatering and were professionally decorated as almost a piece of art in itself. Len was eyeing them jealously several times during their conversation, but he had already shown so much of his softer side that ordering sweet cheesecake would somehow bring down all his manliness. It was silly really, what a piece of cake could symbolize. Could he really open himself up completely like this and simply stop caring about looking tough and intimidating?

“Len? Stop eyeing that cake like a confused puppy and just taste it, silly” Barry chuckled while scoping up a huge piece of his fork and reaching it over to Len. Len blushed a bit at being caught eyeing the delicious piece of cake and leaned forward to let Barry feed it to him. Screw being manly and tough, he wanted that cake. And boy, did he not regret tasting it. Len’s eyes widened in pleasure as the caramel goodness filled his mouth and savored the taste.

“That. Was. Amazing!” Len face lit up like a child in a candy store.

“I told you so. It’s to die for; best in town but not very known yet” Barry said amused.

“Be careful or I will eat the rest, Scarlet” Len joked.

“We can share it if you want?”

“Really?” all Len’s guards fell down immediately. He smiled genuinely and reached under the table to grab Barry’s hand and tangled them together. This was too pure; sharing cake and holding hands. Len loved every aspect of it; it was just what he needed after years of repressed feelings and no emotional contact besides his sister. He could almost cry at the happiness. He would do anything for this to work, he decided as he looked at Barry’s smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a review or kudos, they make my day. I mean it. I get fluffy happy when I see your comments <3


	6. Flirty texts and curious sisters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Len and Barry text. Lisa is beyond curious who this person is that makes her brother soft, like a marshmallow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is from Len's side and how Lisa is annoyed that she doesn't know anything about this mystery person, and worried that her brother's heart will be broken.

 

* * *

**From:** _Barry  
_**Text:** _Hi, what R you doing? ;)_

 **To:** _Barry_  
**Text:** _Reading. You?_

 **From:** _Barry_  
**Text:** _Wait, you read? What kind of book?_

 **To:** _Barry_  
**Text:** _Yes I read! I have a huge collection of books, I’ll have you know. And it’s a book about a jewelry thief that ends up helping the police solve a murder._

 **From:** _Barry_  
**Text:** _Mystery novels? Of course XD Is this a hint for you turning good?_

**To:** _Barry  
_ **Text:** _Shut up! I like the suspense. Also no! I like the thrill of a good heist, and a hot scarlet superhero in leather trying to stop me ;)_

**From:** _Barry_  
**Text:** _Trying? Don’t get cocky! I stop you every time ;)_

 **To:** _Barry_  
**Text:** _That’s only because I let you! You’re way too sexy in that suit :*_

**From:** _Barry  
_ **Text:** _Is that right? :*_

**To:** _Barry  
_**Text:** _Yes_ , _although I think what’s underneath would be even sexier ;)_

**From:** _Barry  
_ **Text:** _Haha Len._

**To:** _Barry_  
**Text:** _;)_

Len looked over the dozens of texts conversations that had occurred every day since that coffee-date. It had been a week now. They had started small with simple friendly texts, but they quickly grew bolder and flirtier by the minute. They had agreed to start out small with a simple date and texting, to test the waters and reduce the risk of going too fast and messing everything up.

Len had never had a relationship like this before; it had always been purely physical, messy or rough. He had never really wanted to make an effort to care about the relationship, so this was new.

He felt butterflies when just thinking about Barry and his heart raced every time his phone began beeping with a new text. For the first time he was taking things slow and Len didn’t mind at all, actually it was quite nice.

The coffee-date had been better than was anticipated. Len had expected some slight awkwardness or maybe even Barry realizing what he was in for, and changing his mind. But after the first few minutes of Len’s shameless flirting and Barry’s rambling, they both relaxed and fell into a perfect rhythm.

Len had always used flirting as a way to distance himself from a “real” relationship and masking his obvious nervousness, but Barry had made him relax quickly. It was like the world around them vanished and it was just them, deep in conversations about anything and everything. Len forgot all about doubts and his Captain Cold façade slowly faded away and left just _Leonard_ behind.

* * *

 

 _Beep Beep_. Len smiled when opening another text from Barry when Lisa walked in, hands on her hips.  
  
“Lenny! This is killing me! Please just tell me who it is.”

Lisa had been a nuisance these past few days. She quickly caught on that something was happening and kept bothering Len about it. She had tried everything; puppy eyes, cold shoulder, getting angry and even bothering Mick about it. That last one produced a rather annoyed text from Mick.

 **From:** _Mick  
_**Text:** _For God’s sake Len, JUST TELL HER! I swear I will burn the entire city if she calls me one more time!_

Despite Mick's violent text, Len knew that the arsonist was actually quite curious who this person was that could make him smile like that. Mick would never admit to that though.

“Lise… Please just let it go” Len sighed for the third time today.

Lisa huffed and sat down in the armchair across the sofa that currently occupied Len. She crossed her arms and starred daggers at his direction. After a minute she then sighed and relaxed her position.

“I just want to know who makes you this happy Lenny. I have never seen you smile like that for anyone besides your heist-plans, which doesn’t count by the way.” Lisa leaned forward onto her elbows.

“Lenny. You have been almost skipping with glee like a little schoolgirl the entire week. You haven’t once complained, slammed doors or brooded. You haven’t even cased art exhibits or looked for your next jewelry heist. If I didn’t know any better, I would have guessed you had been replaced with a lookalike.”

Len raised his eyebrow slightly at that suggestion.

“I like this change, but I don’t want to see you hurt either. You’re my brother Lenny. I would hate for this to spiral you into even deeper darkness if it goes wrong.” Lisa sighed and frowned.

Len looked at Lisa and saw the genuine worry in her eyes. “Lise, I don’t where this is going at the moment, but right now it seems promising. The guy, he already knows about all the bad stuff in my life, but he- he’s different. I don’t know how to explain it. But we’re testing the waters right now - going slow. I promise you, that as soon as I know where this is going, I will tell you more about him. But right now we need to see if it even works out.”

He stood up and walked towards Lisa. He pulled her up slowly and hugged her tight. He was always better with actions than words, so he hoped this could show her how much he cared about her.

His phone beeped again bringing them back from their intimate moment.

“Go. Answer it” Lisa smiled at Len. Len smiled back and quickly answered Barry.

“You’re going soft” Lisa teased, but there was no doubt that she was happy for him. Lisa hated seeing her brother in so much pain and misery. The Flash had helped bringing back her loving brother slowly, and she was so grateful to him. She hated how cold he had gotten over the many years, and although she acted tough, what she really wanted was her brother being happy again. But now her brother was slowly coming back to her; she just wished she knew who this new guy was that could make him be like this.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it. Reviews and kudos fuel my writing and makes me warm and fluffy inside <3


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